TV shows they wouldn’t make nowadays, according to a gammon

Updated: June 15, 2021

IN your 40s but with hopelessly childish tastes? These are the hobbies that you need to drop to grow the f**k up: 

Collecting action figures

Shelves full of action figures, whether Princess Leia in her Hoth outfit, French Resistance Action Man or Funko Pop! Orko, are a great way of saying ‘my school bully threw one of these in the canal and I have never recovered. For the really stunted, build up a My Little Pony collection worth 30 grand.

Fixating on the food of your childhood

You’re an adult, free to explore sophisticated world cuisine. So why does your diet consist of Birds Eye potato waffles, thrice-weekly McDonald’s and Coco Pops? If you still eat Pot Noodles when their novelty value wore off in the 1980s, consult a psychiatrist.

Stuffed toys

More of a female thing. A few cuddly toys are kind of cute, but dozens of the bastards dotted around your bedroom will make your partner feel as if they’re putting on a live sex show for Paddington and a host of dead-eyed Beanie Babies.

Insanely detailed military modelling kits

You loved Airfix kits as a child, and the market has responded with kits for adults that are essentially a major construction project. By the time you’ve completed your enormous model of an aircraft carrier it would have been cheaper, easier and more useful to build an actual Volvo from scratch.

Competing with your own children

Whether it’s beating your five-year-old at football in the back garden or pointing out that you’ve made a far superior fairy cake, competing with small children is bad. And they will go on to be horribly competitive with their own kids, ruining Christmas games of Monopoly well into the 2050s.

Obsessing over superhero movies

If Black Panther is your favourite film, maybe watch more films. And if you think The Dark Knight Rises has deep intellectual themes to rival Ulysses, maybe read a book.

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