Updated: May 26, 2021
Count Binface is facing ridicule in the political community after the latest opinion polls show he is neck and neck with comedy candidate Laurence Fox.
Binface, who is standing to be London Mayor on the back of a wildly ambitious and popular manifesto, is said to be distraught at news that the latest polls show his support is the same as that for the plonker who used to be married to Billie Piper.
Simon Williams, Binface’s campaign spokesperson told us, “We still have a lot of campaigning to do, but I can’t pretend that being level with Laurance Fox isn’t a bit of a setback.
“We’ve been in politics a while now, and we honestly believed we’d done enough to leave these one-trick publicity-hungry comedy candidates behind, so we can focus on discussing the serious issues of the day – like renaming London Bridge after Pheobe Waller-Bridge.
“Laurence Fox is a mere caricature of a politician, with a silly bus and endlessly whining like a perpetual victim – whereas I am promising to make it illegal to sell a croissant in London for more than £1. How is he getting anywhere near the support we have?
“I hope the people of London realise who is in this for the long term, and who is here just to raise their profile a bit because they’ve proven even less popular with casting agents than they are with London voters.
“If we both lose, one of us will definitely be back running again in the next general election, while the other will probably be eating Kangaroo bollocks on I’m a Celebrity.
“Then again, even ITV has certain standards.”