Updated: May 23, 2021
WINDSOR, ENGLAND—Wiping joyful tears away from the corners of her eyes, local woman Tricia Ramsey reportedly gushed “Just like a fairy tale” Saturday while watching Prince Philip’s royal corpse being tossed into a furnace. “Oh, wow, this is just like every little girl’s dream,” said Ramsey, who was overcome by awe with just a tinge of longing as she witnessed a team of royal staffers shove the Duke of Edinburgh’s body roughly inside the incinerator while scores of cheering, jubilant Britons across the nation raised pints while watching the televised event in pubs and waved Union Jack flags in the streets. “Look at that smoke! I can only hope one day my cadaver will go up in flames like that. What a day! I’m just so emotional, I know we won’t forget about this one soon.” At press time, Ramsey was singing “God Save The Queen” while trying to catch a piece of falling ash in her mouth.
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