A barbecue has been ruined in spectacular fashion.
Jay Cooper had planned on having his family and a few friends over to celebrate the sun showing itself by badly cooking some sausages.
“Everything was going well,” confirmed Cooper.
“The kids were playing in a way that didn’t require an ambulance, Uncle Mike hadn’t tried to grab anybody’s crotch and mother had only drunk a moderate amount of gin.
“Then it happened. Halfway through one of Trevor’s golf stories: The loudest, gruntiest, glass-shattering bowel movement in human history from the house next door.
“It went on for four minutes. We all just stared at the ground, contemplating our own mortality, and what the hell we were going to say when it was finally over.
“In the end, nobody said anything. They just took their respective children and left immediately, and Uncle Mike grabbed my crotch on the way out.”
Offending neighbour, Simon Williams, chuckled, “I’d heard he was having a barbecue and once again he didn’t invite me, so I made sure to have a curry from The Taj Mapalace last night. Never fails to turn my toilet into the aftermath of a war zone.
“I did it on purpose and I’ll do it again.”
Cooper replied, “This is WHY people don’t invite him places.”